Just to prove that lawyers can have a sense of humor, here are some interesting quotations.  Enjoy. 

 

  Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

—  Victor Borge

 

By all  means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become

happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

—  Socrates

 

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~”

Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.”

—  Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

 

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I

was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: “No

good in a bed, but fine against a wall.”

—  Eleanor Roosevelt

 

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had

ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish

to withdraw that statement.

—  Mark Twain

 

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a

good ending; and to have the  two as close together as possible.

—  George Burns

 

 I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

—  Groucho Marx

 

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now

and then she stops to breathe.

— Jimmy  Durante

 

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

— Zsa  Zsa Gabor

 

Only Irish  coffee provides in a single glass all four essential

food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

—  Alex Levine

 

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

—  Rodney Dangerfield

 

Money can’t buy you happiness .. but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

— Spike  Milligan

 

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.

— Joe  Namath

 

I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.

— Bob  Hope

 

I never  drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in  it.

—  W.C. Fields

 

We could  certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through  Congress.

— Will  Rogers

 

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation, as you  grow older, it will avoid you.

—  Winston Churchill

 

Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty … but everything else starts to wear out, fall  out, or spread out.

—  Phyllis Diller

 

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.

—  Billy Crystal